Getting My Bah Humbugs Out Of The Way

Because it's Monday, because they're predicting snow followed by a "wintery mix" for Tuesday and Wednesday, and because cramps are making me snarly, snarky & snappy I'm going to take the cheer and sunshine down a notch for a brief moment for a classic game I like to call "You know what annoys me?". Feel free to play along in the comments section.

You know what annoys me?

• Zits the size of Rhode Island
  
• Finding a killer sale on the one item that would finish out our daughters' Christmas lists only to find that they're sold out online
• Attempting to track down that same killer sale in the store to no avail
• Waiting patiently for a package to arrive all weekend only to have it show up on the doorstep Monday afternoon
  
• Getting out bid on eBay
• Christmas wrapping paper stored in the attic (doubly annoying because that's where I told The General to leave it)
• Wintery mix precipitation and single digit temperatures
• Children who do not stay in bed when told
• Trying to come up with dinner ideas every night (okay, so maybe not every night)
  
• Feeling mega-exhausted all day long only to wake up with a burst of energy around 9:30 pm
• Dust
• Lifeless hair
• The irresistible deliciousness of cookies and birthday cake
• Subsequent birthday week weight gain
• Pants that are tight as a result of birthday week weight gain

One Of Life's Greatest Mysteries

Why is it that you can work out five days a week for three months and see minor changes to your body shape and composition but just six days of physical inactivity leads to instantaneous return of dimples and jiggles in places you don't want them to exist?

If this is what metabolism at 32 looks like, I'm screwed.

Photography Done Right By Wish I Might

Tired of looking at my sorry excuses for pictures from last weekend's wedding? Feast your eyes on these:


Erik and Cari's friends, Bri and Grant, took on the all-important role of wedding photographers for the wedding Saturday night. This is only a preview of what Bri is currently processing, and this small viewing makes me even more excited to see what they captured last weekend. You can check out more of Bri's work at Wish I Might Photography. Having been in a wedding or twelve in my lifetime, I can tell you that having someone behind the lens who knows the couple and wedding party as well as Bri and Grant did makes a huge difference. Great work, you guys!

Mentors

I mentioned early this week that my mom and her cousin, Kim, have a very special bond. Kim and her family live in Michigan, but that distance has never kept her and my mom from having a great friendship. They are goofy, zany, and crazy when they're together. Maybe it's my ability to suppress events which are emotionally scarring, but it's a minor miracle I'm not currently seeking therapy for some of the events I have witnessed when the two of them are together.

Anyway, both mom and Kim are mothers to one boy and one girl, the only difference being gender order. My mom's oldest is me - a girl, obviously - and Kim's first born is her son, Corey. Mom proclaimed for years that boys are so very different than girls, that y chromosome making them the natural problem child. Soon after Kim's second child, Shelby, was born she tried in earnest to convince by mother otherwise. Gender has nothing to do with it, Kim insisted. It's the second child.


Mom and Kim were convinced during those vital years of parenting they would someday end up as guests on The Oprah Show, most likely at the expense of their trials and tribulations of attempting to raise their second born children. They were pushed to their limits, tested to the point of breaking, faced with stubbornness the likes of which they had not seen before (except in themselves, those of us around them would helpfully offer). That Shelby & Erik made it to adulthood is no small feat, for there were days when I'm sure our mothers were convinced they understood why some animals eat their young.

Does it come as any surprise that I consider these women mentors in my own parenting adventure?

I don't think Oprah's going to be around long enough for my time on her couch.

A Quick Question

Which do you find more surprising?

The fact that my uncle (he who tormented his nieces and nephews like none other) showed up to the wedding looking so GQ in a stylish suit...


...or the fact that he engaged in full on lip lock with his nephew (aka the groom) not once, not twice, but three times?


Whichever you find more shocking, let's just all pray that his young son was not as traumatized by the turn of events as we were.

Love you, B - thanks for providing one of the highlights of the evening (and thanks to Mitch for the great blog post idea)!

The Wedding Was Fabulous, But I'm Sure This Is The Recap You've Really Been Waiting For

The wedding is over, the vows have been exchanged, and now it's time to let loose and par-tay!

I suppose the best way to start is with a video of two excellent speeches made in honor of Erik & Cari. First up was Erik's best man, Buddha, who gave a heartfelt speech for his friends. Next up was the maid of honor speech which held promise to be a classic. Cassi did not disappoint.



A maid of honor speech up there among the best, that's for sure.

For me, the overall theme of this wedding reception would have to be Cousinpalooza. Now that we're all busy with our own families and spread out among three state, it's not very often that all of us are together and we tried very hard on Saturday night to make up for it.

First, I got some long-awaited snuggle time with three month old Gizmo. If you can believe it, she is even cuter in person than in pictures and when she started cooing at me and my crazy baby talk I thought I might just die on the spot from the sheer adorableness of it.

This little girl and her strawberry blond curls belongs to my cousin, Coral. Miss B is about as sweet as they come and her serious face simply cracks me up.

Most exciting news of the night: Miss B is going to be a big sister come June. A new Poke cousin coming this summer - hooray!

Making good on two missions set for the cousins, we managed to capture a picture of four of the five great-grandchildren. The only one missing is our lone boy, Tre, who was not there Saturday night.


The picture below better captures what was really going on during this photo op: Shortcake tenderly trying to get Miss B's attention back to the cameras, Miss B giving Punkin her most puzzled expression, Punkin screaming "CHEESEBOOGUH" every three seconds, and Gizmo just looking relieved that she lives eight hours from this insanity.

It doesn't seem like all that long ago that it was me and my cousins torturing our parents with picture taking efforts like this.

Also accomplished, an updated picture of all the Poke cousins (minus my uncle's stepson, Tim).

Damn, we're a good lookin' bunch of people.

Of course, Erik & Cari were also highlighted Saturday night too. Here they are during their first dance.


Aw, cute. Now back to the real action!

She's agile, she's talented, she's coming at you in living color (no racist joke intended). It's the MARIA SHOW!


Following the stellar line dancing skills of Maria & Company, it was time to break out the big guns. Straight from the Florida Keys, the guests were treated to a little Dolly Parton. Break it down "9 to 5" style, Winnie!


When he hasn't grabbing the butts of grandmas or using his teeth to fish out dollar bills stuffed in cleavage, Erik also entertained his guests with a little karaoke. The vocal stylings of my brother did not disappoint with his extended remix of the classic "Baby Got Back". Is there video? Yes, a snippet. Am I showing it? Um, I'd prefer not to broadcast it for the world to see. Maybe later.

You will be able to tell with the following series of pictures which individual I did not stray from for the majority of the night. As I explained to her patient husband, my soul was empty and the only thing that could fill it was a little Tina love.

We let Jason in on this one because he is a fellow U of I alum. The three of us lived two years in close proximity of each other - Jason living directly above my apartment (a very courteous neighbor unless he had a hankering for a little "Saving Private Ryan" movie viewing; we couldn't always decipher between a violent thunderstorm and the boombasticness of his massive sound system) and Tina living in a swanky new complex within shouting distance just down the pot holed filled alley.

This is about the point in the evening when Tina and I started chanelling our inner Kim and Marsha. My mom and her first cousin are notorious for crazy hijinz and fits of uncontrollable laughter (not to mention accompanying loss of bladder control) when they're together. I can recall several events during my childhood when I would stare at them and wonder how any two people could laugh so hysterically at virtually nothing. I'm here to say that I totally get it now.

This is when is really started going downhill immediately after surviving a Spanx incident together. We're closer now than ever, right Tina?


And who should we hold responsible for all our goofiness?


At the end of the night, the baby bottles and sippy cups were packed up and we somehow convinced some, shall we say, reluctant party goers to join us next door at a local watering hole.


Michigan was in the house:


But Minnesota had to flee the scene soon after arrival for good reason. A 10 am takeoff from a Chicago airport doesn't really jive with late night boozing especially when you're carrying precious cargo (i.e., Gizmo).


We made our feelings about it being the end of the night very clear. It's only been three days, but my soul is dead already.

My expectations for fun were far surpassed. It was a beautiful day from start to finish and somehow I came away from that evening even more blessed than I already was. I suppose gaining a fantastic new sister-in-law has something to do with that.

Congratulations again, Erik & Cari!

*~*~*~*~*~*

A special thank you to the crew from Seventh Heaven who so graciously took our exhausted children home early in the evening for a sleepover and cousin bonding time of their own. For allowing us to enjoy most of the night child-free, we owe you big time!

At Last

How do I even start to recap last weekend? The fun and excitement of the three day extravaganza has definitely caught up with me today. From the very beginning of Wedding Day the weather was gorgeous, Cari was as calm and beautiful a bride as they come, and I was beyond proud of my baby brother. I will warn you in advance that if you've been waiting for excellent photography from me chronicling the day's events you are going to be highly disappointed. When I wasn't fulfilling bridesmaid duties, I was busy chasing after two busy flower girls and these two roles do not mix with stellar photo taking. I realized late into the evening that I hadn't taken one picture of the bride and groom all day and if my camera was proof of who attend the festivities The General was MIA for the entire day. Major fail on the photography front but I'll provide you with the highlights of those pictures I did manage to capture when I wasn't taking deep breaths to ensure my head wouldn't explode from stress induced hypertension.

Friday - The rehearsal dinner

Cassi (Cari's sister and MOH) cried as Cari and her dad walked down the aisle on the practice run, the first twenty minutes of the rehearsal dinner at the Old El Paso wasn't pretty (falling relish trays and exploding coffee pots - OH MY!), and we discovered there's another Mac Daddy emerging from the Stevenson clan.


Oh, and what's that nursery rhyme they say about little girls? Something about sugar and spice and everything nice?

Well, meet Sugar.

And then meet Spice.

If that doesn't give you a perfect illustration of what I was up against Saturday then I don't know what will.

Saturday - The Wedding

After hosting the rehearsal dinner at their house the night before, my parents opened their home (basement) once again to the wedding party. Cari & Cassi's friends brought their bags of tricks to help all the women of the bridal party beautify for the big day.


As mentioned before, Cari was as calm as could be and took advantage of her Bridal Powers by sneaking Jack & Sally into the basement against house rules. Not even the father of the groom trumps The Bride's wishes on wedding day.



Breakfast was also served; Punkin was denied Verdi despite her best efforts to convince us she should be allowed to have some. She finally settled for orange juice in a snowflake cup.


There was also nails to tend to Saturday morning. Mom was on sparkle duty, and after 30 minutes of SPARKLES! I had to warn her that if she shook that bottle of sparkles in my face one more time and ask me if I wanted some for my nails I was going to drop kick her into next week. Lovingly, of course.


In record time, the six bridesmaid, one junior bridesmaid, two flower girls, and mothers of the bride & groom were fluffed, puffed, and ready to head to the church. Once there we began the dressing process and were able to witness the beautiful bride in her dress for the first time. Breathtaking!


Also breathtaking? Trying to take pictures of and with two squirrely flower girls. And I mean breath taking in the most literal sense here. Lord have mercy, why is taking their picture so torturous for all involved?



Also, this picture pretty much sums up our afternoon the best: I'm doing my best to give a genuine smile while on the inside trying hard to suppress my ever rising stress level, Shortcake is silently somber while simultaneously annoyed with her sister, and Punkin is oblivious to it all worried only about making sure she's still the scene stealer in charge of the whole show.


Of course they smile when they're with Gramma & Papa.


During the wedding ceremony itself, as shown in the video posted yesterday, the girls did an outstanding job. Yes, they took their role very seriously, but they looked like pros out there. Punkin was so thorough with her duties that she actually started walking back up the aisle to pick up the discarded petals. I feared, from my position at the end of the bridesmaid line, that a tantrum would ensue but they got her into the pew without much fuss. Not ready to relinquish her starring role, she had a couple other tricks up her sleeve:

1. When the minister announced that we were "gathered here to celebrate the union of this man and woman," Punkin reminded him (loudly) that the woman he was referring to has a name and it is "Caywi".
2. Midway through the ceremony she started to pick her nose which a good half of the congregation witnessed.
   
3. Shortly after that began the tortured requests for "Mama," complete with pained expression and outstretched arms.
4. Moments before the ceremony was over she began her classic meltdown war cry all because she had an itch on her butt that she couldn't scratch thanks to layers of tulle and tights. Always a lady, that one.
5. Finally, when they were instructed to exit the church behind Cari & Erik both girls instead ran to me. This was fine, although Punkin wanted to be carried. Ever tried to hook your arm around a groomsman's arm while holding a bouquet and a thirty-five pound preschooler in the other arm, all while wearing a floor length gown that is just a hair too long? I don't recommend it, but being the veteran bridesmaid that I am I managed to pull it off.

The bride and groom exited the church following the ceremony to a shower of bubbles and hopped into their getaway car. It was almost a non-getaway, but thanks to a push from the men of the wedding party they were finally off. After their return to the church, this car proved vital for one final wedding party picture where we went into full bribery mode.

"One more picture kids and then Erik will take you for a ride!"


I wish we would have thought of this tactic about three hours earlier.

Tomorrow: The reception, where pictures are plentiful and you witness the gradual decline of grace in two young mothers right before your very eyes.